Conan was my younger brother. This page is to tell you a little about Conan. And about what happened to him. Conan was blonde, with brown eyes and about as tall as me. I hope to have a pic of him scanned soon as well. He loved sports, but especially football. I'm not sure what position he played though. He taught me how to throw a "wicked spiral" as he called it. We used to stand in the middle of the street when we were kids and throw a football back and forth to each other. *Smile* One of my fondest memories. He played for his 7th grade middle school football team, the Storm Lake Tornadoes. He and his teammates had an undefeated season and I loved going to watch him play, especially since I got out of school early. Conan was one of the most popular kids in school. We always had kids at our house, and the phone was always ringing. *Laugh* We used to argue over the phone like you wouldn't believe. The day the two of us decided to order call-waiting was the best day of our lives. *Grin* Yes, I did say the two of us, not our parents...In fact, our parents had no clue until the charge showed up on the bill. Like they knew what the BEEP was!!! As if they ever used the phone anyway! *Giggle* I got along well with all of his friends. They are some of the greatest kids ever. I spent plenty of time talkin to his little girlyfriends on the phone, and he HATED it. One of them used to call, just to talk to me, and he used to get so mad! The house we lived in had been used as 2 apartments before we moved in so our bedrooms were upstairs, and we shared a bathroom. We used to knock on the walls at night, "talking" to each other, to get the other's attention instead of yelling and then we'd pick up our phones and talk. Conan was my best friend, in every sense of the word, although I didn't know it till he was gone. The fights the two of us had were something else...our Mom used to tell us we weren't normal we argued so much. Hell, we picked arguments for FUN!!! *Grin* Conan had a Nintendo, and then a Sega Genesis and we used to sit for hours in his room playing together and talking. Our favorite holiday was Christmas. *LAUGH* We have these 2 stockings. They're HUGE! But one is bigger than the other....and it was mine at my first Christmas, since I'm older. Every year we argued about who got it and who had it last year. My Mom finally started keepin one of the Christmas pics with us holding up our stockings out so she had proof of who had it. It all seems so stupid now, but at the time it seemed like the most important thing in the world to have the BIGGER stocking. The ironic thing is that his last Christmas with us, he had the bigger stocking, and I'm glad. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Conan was the sweetest young man alive. He'd do anything for his family, and his friends. We have letters his classmates wrote to us after he died, and there are things in there we NEVER knew he did. There are people that he touched that we NEVER knew. Conan touched so many people....and that was his purpose. To touch hearts...and make us realize what we DO have, instead of dwelling on what we don't. I wish I had told him how much I loved him more often. I miss his hugs..and his voice. I'm thankful for the little videotape we have of him cause when I miss him, or forget his voice, I can watch it and be reminded. Forever.       On September 11, 1993, a Saturday, I was going to do the normal Saturday nite thing--babysit. Conan's friend Brad was over and they were begging my Mom to take them into town. When I left, they were in the backyard of our new house throwing the football back and forth. My Mom had agreed to take them into town later.... It was a nice day. We had been at the high school football game the night before, and I had given Conan the rest of my money so he could get a sucker as he wasn't home for supper and was hungry. Babysitting was uneventful as always. I expected to be done at 11 pm or so, and after the kids went to bed, I watched "Saturday Night Live" and read Beaches, the book. "The Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon" was on when I saw headlights, about 11:15 or so. I assumed it was the Lady of the House getting home from work. But there was a knock on the front door and I knew I was wrong as she would, first of all come in the kitchen door, and second of all NOT knock. I answered to find the mother of one of Conan's classmates, as well as mine standing there.       Mrs. P had also subbed for our school nurse. She informed me Conan had been in an accident and I needed to come with her to the hospital. I went to get my shoes, and found tears running down my cheeks. I wiped them away and told myself it was just a broken arm or something. I met her again at the door as another of Conan's friends' older sister brushed past me. I asked if I should leave a note but Mrs. P said Shawna would explain it. I followed her to her car, and she made small talk about school and stuff as we drove across town to Buena Vista County Hospital. However, I only half listened. I was praying the whole time, "Please God, don't let him be dead. Just let it be a broken arm, a broken leg, anything. Just don't let him be dead. Please!" We finally arrived, after what seemed like an eternity but really wasn't even 5 minutes. We walked through the doors to the emergency room and off to the left was a small waiting room. It was filled with Conan's friends, his middle school principal and guidance counselor and a teacher. I stared as Mrs. P continued on, until she turned and said "Down here, Crystal."       I proceeded to the back, and turned right, down a long hallway, as Mrs. P peeked into the first door on the left labeled "Quiet Room #1". I heard her tell my Mom I was there, and brushed passed her to my Mom's arms. My Mom said into my ear, "He's gone, honey"...the 3 worst words I've ever heard. I immediately screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and burst into tears. Conan's friends who were there heard me, and thought I was screaming cause I saw my Mom. They didn't realize I didn't know when I got there. Mrs. P had not told me because she wanted my Mom to be able to, she thought I would believe it if I heard it from Mom.       The next few days are all a blur. I know I went across the hall to ER #1, the exam room and saw Conan. He was lying on a table, with his mouth open, eyes half closed, looking as he does when he sleeps. He was covered by a sheet up to his abdomen. I leaned over and kissed his soft, still warm cheek and laid on his chest crying, "I love you, Conan. I love you so much!" We went home around 2 am. Our Pastor came home with us and my Mom and Dad stood outside with him. I was in the house, sitting in the silence, thinking when the phone rang. I answered, and some young girl asked for Conan. I lost it completely, bawling as my Pastor took the phone and told her Conan wouldn't be home again. I finally went to bed about 3 or 4 am, and woke up a little while later.       I came out of my bedroom, and I still remember feeling as though I was in a daze, a nightmare or something, and saw my Grandma by the towel closet. She hugged me, and I noticed my Grandpa, my other Grandparents and one of my aunts in our living room. I went back to bed without a word to anyone.       We held the visitation on Tuesday, September 14, 1993. The middle school gave us his football jersey, #35, for him to wear over his black turtleneck and favorite Guess? jeans. Conan had had this big soft green blanket to carry around since he was a kid. He also had a little pink one. They got christened "Big Blankie" and "Little Blankie" respectively. We had lost "Little Blankie" years before but "Big Blankie" was still around and we put him over Conan's feet to keep him warm. His hair was parted on the wrong side so my Mom and I were over there constantly re-doing it.       When school let out, the funeral home was packed. I remember all of Conan's friends gathered around me. I told them he was probably up there laughing at us cause we were crying, and cussing cause he had makeup on and teaching all the angels about "Beavis and Butthead". I told them that he would always be watching over them, and could now be in more than one place at once. And then I "adopted" them all as my little sisters and brothers. *Smile*       The funeral was the next day, and I don't remember much of it. I just sat there. I kissed his cheek before we went in, and this time it was hard, and cold, it felt like plastic, so odd. I cried, but not to the point I was bawling. I held my Mom's hand through it, and my StepDad had his hand around my Mom and on my shoulder.       We found out after all this, that Conan had Myocarditis, a heart condition. He was with his friends at the local Godfather's/Pizza Hut and they were yelling at these high school football players, seniors, who were "cruising the loop" as we called it. The guys playfully decided to go talk to the boys, and the boys decided to run. While running into Godfather's, there were 2 in front of Conan and 2 behind him. As the door came open for him, he just collapsed, hitting his head on the corner of the door handle. His friends thought he was faking at first, then realized he was not breathing. Someone ran in and got the manager to call 911, but it was busy first try. The ambulance didn't arrive till 10 minutes later, although it was only a mile away. The EMT's were rude--pushed one of Conan's friends' fathers who was doing CPR out of the way, without asking any vital questions. They continued CPR for 45 minutes and could get his heart to beat, but no breathing.       Conan could have lived...he could have had a heart transplant if we'd known. But our family doctor was incompetent. He couldn't even PRACTICE at the hospital for reasons no one will disclose. Conan had a physical exactly a month before he died and we both had dentist appointments the same day. So when Mom picked him up, I was with her and we remember him telling us the Dr. had told him his heart rate was real high after exercise but that that was "good". He told us the number was like 145 (I think) and my Mom looked at him funny but trusted it. Obviously the doctor had cleared him for football so.... When we switched doctors after this, and summoned the records, you can see where the heart rate was ABOVE the line, and had obviously been altered. We are still dealing with Conan's death daily...although having Mariah around helps with the pain. I know he's up in Heaven, being well taken care of and always watching out for me. I LOVE YOU CONAN!!!! By Crystal Myrlee Jensen Conan was a special boy Loving caring and full of joy Always laughing and with a smile for you He was well liked and popular too Although there were many who came to call He loved his family most of all He was looked up to and admired Even though he always said "Fire, Fire!" Conan was good at the sport of football Ask anyone--hitting him was like hitting a brick wall We know he would want us to laugh and smile It'll be hard but like him we'll go that extra mile Conan was a special boy Loving, caring and oh so full of joy WE LOVE YOU CONAN!! WE MISS YOU!!!